Often I get asked by brides and their families many of the same questions on traditional and contemporary wedding etiquette. Everything from who pays for what, to when do I sent out invitations, to what kind of bustle should I get, etc. All of these things and more are important to remember in the early stages of planning, and will help you reduce your stress throughout the entire process.
What are a few important protocols that every bride should know?
- Remember going to Sunday school when you were a kid? Your mom was always harping in your ear to stand up straight, keep your shoulders back and have good manners. This is definitely a time when all those rules apply — stand tall, keep your shoulders back and breathe. Act like a lady; be yourself, but mind your manners.
- When you cry, dab your the corners of your eyes with a hankie or tissue. No wiping!
- If you have the choice on the type of bustle, ties ALWAYS hold better than buttons.
- If your parents are divorced, tell them that your one wish is for them to be cordial and kind to one another. It’s only 5 hours of their life, after all. If they can’t be nice, just tell them that you would rather them keep to themselves. A bride should not have to deal with the additional anxiety of arguing parents on her wedding day.
- Don’t consume too much alcohol the night before or throughout the day of the wedding. I know that every bride and groom are excited to be celebrating with their family and friends; just remember to stay in line – this is the most important day of your life. Later, you’ll appreciate actually being able to remember the day you got married and the last thing you want is to be sick on a day when all eyes are on you.
What is expected of the groom’s parents before the wedding?
The groom’s parents are counted on to show their enthusiasm and excitement. They also usually help to cover the expenses of the rehearsal dinner, the bride’s bouquet and traditionally, the honeymoon. It’s important with the rehearsal dinner that they try not to compete or take the spotlight away from the wedding.
Who pays for what?
This really varies based on the wedding. Traditionally:
- Bride pays for the groom’s cake
- Bride’s parents pay for the wedding
- Groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and bride’s bouquet
However, there are a lot of variations based on the family, the type of wedding, the budget, etc.
When should the invitations, save the dates, etc. be mailed? Is a calligrapher a must-have for addressing the envelopes?
For a standard hometown wedding, invites should be sent six weeks prior and RSVP’s two weeks prior to the wedding. For a destination wedding, invites should be sent nine weeks prior and RSVP’s three weeks prior to the wedding. Save the dates should be sent 6 to 9 months prior to the wedding. Although a calligrapher is not necessary, they are definitely impactful and worth the extra money, if the budget permits.
Something important to note pertaining to addressing invitations:
- If you want to extend the invite to children, the invite should be addressed to “The Smith Family.”
- If you don’t necessarily want children there, the invite should be addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.”
- If you want to allow your guest to bring a plus one, the invite should be addressed to “Mr. John Smith and guest.”
- If you don’t want your guest to bring a plus one, the invite should be addressed simply to “Mr. John Smith.”
This can be addressed informally as well on the inner envelope, if you prefer, versus the outer envelope.
What are the benefits of hiring a wedding planner? How can they help?
I read it best the other day — A wedding planner takes the anxiety and stress out of vendor management, budgets, timelines and is responsible for ensuring that your vision comes to life. They are there to confirm you are hiring the right team, that your day is the day you have dreamt about, that you are not spending more than you intended and that what you are spending makes the most sense in terms of your budget. A wedding planner takes away the stress, allows your mother to relax and allows you to just enjoy being a bride.